I hate to admit it but I’ve joined a gym. I felt forced to this extreme by days spent in front of a computer, drinking coffee and putting on weight. My life, in the normal run of things, just isn’t active enough.
Having joined, to kick start the affair, I had a personal training session in which I was taken through a series of exercises they suggest I do 3 to 4 times a week, and take about an hour in total. The plan they gave me involves a warm up of walking up hill for 5 minutes, then I row for 10 minutes, then the real killer. Have you ever been on a Cross Trainer? They’re insane. The idea is to move your arms and your legs and the machine adds resistance. The legs move in a sort of cycling motion and the arms just go back and forth. Depending on the resistance level this either hurts, or makes you wish you were dead. Suffice to say, there’s NO WAY I’m going to manage the 10 minutes on Level 8 suggested by the Personal Trainer. Oh no. Let’s try 4 minutes at level 5, shall we? Then it’ll just hurt but I’ll retain the will to live.
Then there’s the weights and resistance training. In my case, this seems to involve an inflatable plastic ball, reminiscent of a very large beach ball, and various exercises with the potential to really humiliate. My personal favourite for embarrassing possibilities is lying on my back, with the ball between my legs, just kinda moving it about. V. glam. Then there’s sitting on the ball and lifting small weights up and down. Easy until you have to do it 12 times. And again…
And then, as an optional extra, there’s the swimming. Not just any swimming mind. Do front crawl for 10 laps, just with your arms, 10 laps just with your legs, then 10 laps normally. Oh, if you must you can pause for 30 seconds between each set of 10 laps. Then repeat with breast stroke and back stroke. Would now be a good time to mention that until this training session my main aim when going to the gym was to do 10 lengths of the pool at all? I think we’ll work up to this exercise.
Anyway, we’ll see how it goes.